We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
