I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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