I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
