talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
