My Higher Power is John Stamos
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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