No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
