You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
