Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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