I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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