Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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