They should really pass out barf bags in church
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
