vagina is talking i cant
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
