So drunk its hurt
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
