I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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