Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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