porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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