but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
