I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Randomize
