k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
