It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
