she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
