I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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