Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
