somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize