"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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