I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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