Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
