Sponge bath it is.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
