how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
