Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
