Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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