Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
