I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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