hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
only if we run a train.
done.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
