Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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