they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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