I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
