I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
