The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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