she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Still dying that you shit outside
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
