So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
