the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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