he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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