Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
