atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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