I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
