well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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