dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
