i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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