Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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