Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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