He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
