I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
