Someone shit on the floor
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
