Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
