she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
