Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
