He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
