oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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