Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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