just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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