Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
