i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
