WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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