she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize