I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
