I cockslap morals
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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