last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
